new directions

It's been a while since I've posted here. Some of it was frustration at having so many things I wanted to do fall through. Some of it was business at work and at home. Some of it was pure laziness. And some of it was time spent working on a new plan. The good news is, with the possible exception of laziness, all of the other excuses have been resolved. Sometimes you need the rug pulled out from under you in order to get a new perspective. Thanks to that and some very synchronistic events, I am finally in the process of completely remaking my life, at least for the short term. Here's the plan:

- Take 6 months off work (leave of absence approved)
- Put possessions in storage, purge what I can
- Move to Santa Fe (I've got a great 6-month house/pet-sitting gig lined up)
- Attend Natalie Goldberg's year-long writing intensive (part one just finished)
- Write (do daily writing practice, finish my november novel and get to work on my next project)
- Get healthy (cook, exercise, sleep, breathe clean air, stay away from coyotes and centipedes)
- Reinvigorate my creativity (365 project, sewing, painting, etc.)
- Read good books
- Figure out what I want to do next with my life and where I might want to do it

I'm currently working out new daily routines to be put in place once I reach my destination (some time in late March) and will post that and more soon. Until then, enjoy a little taste of my soon-to-be sanctuary.

week six recap

some weeks there is just so much going on it's tough to keep up. sometimes it lasts more than a week. that's how it's been for me lately. the good news is, a lot of what's going on is good. or offers the possibility for good. i just haven't had time to report it.

what i do want to post today though is something that has become apparent over the last few weeks focused on meaningful work, and it's this: meaningful work is not a stand-alone thing. it's one component of an integrated life, and that's what i realize i've been struggling to find.

i have been living my life out of buckets: the health bucket, the creativity bucket, the writing bucket, the gardening bucket, the job bucket, the spirituality bucket, the daughter bucket, the girlfriend bucket... and never the twain shall meet.

in trying to identify what my "heart's desires" are, i realized i couldn't break them down into home, creativity, health, relationships, etc. because they are all intertwined.

trying to focus on creativity made me realize my home is not a place that allows space for that. trying to focus on my health made me realize without spirituality and creativity in my life, my health will continue to be missing important components.

so what is my heart's desire? a creative, healthy, productive, integrated life and a physical space and interpersonal connections to support it. and now i have a pretty good picture in my head of what that means. and i believe that it is possible to attain.

i also wanted to share this video from a great chiropractor/nutritionish and all-around health-improver about how to maintain a healthy weight.

week two recap

 so week two is over and it's time to move on to week three, but before we go, let's take a look back at how well i did...

family
this week i spent quality time with my mom. it was so nice to have an afternoon all to ourselves, just the two of us hanging out. i also was conscious to thank her for the time and to thank both of my parents for helping me out with an errand over the weekend. i am also pitching in for a big event scheduled for next monday -- my grandmother's 100th birthday party. it will have a luau theme for which i provided a ton of decorations (because who doesn't have two bins worth of inflatable palm trees, plastic leis and grass table skirts in their storage area?). i am also paying for luau food from L&L BBQ.

this party will give me the opportunity to fulfill all of my resolutions for the month -- seeing grandma and spending time with the kids and my brother. even my uncle will be there. i'm not sure forgiveness will rain down from the heavens, but at least i can test my ability to be cordial and see if i can use some of the things i learned from this past week in other areas to help reduce the stress of this strained relationship.

friends
i emailed and set up tentative plans with 3 of my 6 key people. i also had my mom take a quick first pass through the storage area looking for the box that has christine's last known address while she was in there digging for the decorations. no luck. i will need to plan an excavation.

for some reason, i find myself resistant to contact the three remaining friends. i'm not sure why. i keep coming up with excuses like they are too busy and i don't want to bug them, i don't know their schedules or whether we'll be able to find a good time to get together, maybe i'll be too busy, i don't know what we'll do together... not a valid excuse in the bunch. as i was typing this i just realized that these three have something in common that the others don't. the three i have plans to see are people i have known since childhood, who i know love me back and therefore there is no risk involved. the three i haven't contacted are newer friends who i really want to spend more time with but who i haven't developed strong relationships with yet. i'm guessing the fear of rejection is tempering my will here. i may just need to take it a little slower, work up to the invitation and maybe approach them one at a time, not as part of a batch.

one really great thing that came out of this, one night i was thinking about one of my old friends. i planned to go home and send her an email but instead, i just called her. sometimes i forget that hearing someone's voice is completely different than keystrokes in email and it is definitely worth the effort.

partner
it's amazing how sometimes just a little shift -- in perception, approach, and intention -- can make a world of difference. the good progress i posted about earlier in the week has definitely continued and i hope to keep it rolling.

self
this really was the most challenging, revealing and probably rewarding part of the puzzle. i had no idea how often i do to myself just what i don't like to have done by others: dismissing my own needs, denigrating my own dreams, trying to make up for ongoing neglect with big gestures that just don't fill the real need. having to pay attention to how i treat myself, especially in the context of how i wanted to treat others was an eye-opener. my on-going goal will be figuring out how to keep my eyes open.

declutter challenge: bedroom
this was actually a bit of a bust in some ways. i did get and keep the room itself clean, but i had hoped to do a good purge of the storage drawers and the random items that lurk under the dressers that just didn't happen. this is pretty much the same thing that happened last week with the kitchen. i think i need to rethink my approach. i have been waiting until i have a big chunk of time to tackle the whole thing instead of trying to do a little here and a little there all week long. small steps add up. i will keep that in mind for this week.

food challenge: tofu

on the tofu challenge i wound up 2 for three. you already saw my great success with tofu scramble and you're about to see how easy it is to swap tofu for beef in a simple taco recipe. unfortunately, i didn't get to the tofu smoothie. i made the mistake of saving it for last and alas, had my best intentions thwarted by a mild bout with food poisoning. i do intend, however, to make it up this week -- probably tuesday after the gym.

i love food that you get to put together at the table and tacos were one of my favorite family dinners growing up. thing is, even though i do eat red meat again, after twenty years as a vegetarian, i just can't do it all the time. lucky for me, replacing the beef with tofu was easier than i ever imagined. just rinse, pat dry and crumble it into the pan, then follow the instructions on the seasoning packet just like you were cooking with meat (brown, stir, serve). it tasted just as good and was way less greasy. the whole experience leaves my eager to try this substitution in other meat-based dishes, including lasagna and chili, now that i know how easy it is.

so long week two. hello week three!

food challenge: tofu scramble

here it is saturday and i haven't cooked a single tofu dish -- yet. but that's what the weekend is for. and since i woke up very hungry, i figured i'd start with a basic, tofu-based breakfast dish: tofu scramble. to get me started i hunted around on the internet for a while and found this simple, flexible recipe:



i used frozen peas and corn as the veggies and substituted powered onion and garlic salt for the real thing since they are what i had in the house and in less than 10 minutes i had a delicious and protein-rich breakfast. i especially love that you can pretty much use whatever veggies and flavorings that strike your fancy (or need using up in the fridge) and because tofu reheats pretty well, you can make a big batch and eat it for a couple of days (for me, one container of tofu made enough for two servings).

worried about the dangers of gmo foods? try house foods brand tofu which does not use genetically engineered soybeans.

day of pampering / date with myself

so i know i said yesterday that it wasn't about the pampering of the taking myself on a date, but today i felt like doing both anyway. i had a few hours to kill between appointments so i headed over to the elizabeth gamble garden, a stunning spot (especially at this time of year) hidden in palo alto, just off embarcadero road.

there are few things i love more than spending time in a new garden (especially with my camera), and this one was all i hoped. wisteria in full bloom draped from trellises. purple and white lilacs bloomed, their scent hanging in the air.

there were irises and tulips and poet's daffodils and even a special treat that felt like it was just for me -- my favorite flower, lily of the valley, which is nearly impossible to grow here without the frost. i almost missed the tiny gems.

scattered throughout the garden were elderly couples walking hand in hand, artists capturing colors on canvas, children running along concrete and flagstone paths. in the community portion of the garden, women worked beds of vegetables. cabbage looked ready for harvest.  just 60 minutes felt like a weekend away.

after the visit i stopped at whole foods to pick up some soap and found something i just couldn't resist: gluten-free baking mixes that didn't contain potato. i swear i put five different kinds in my basket but managed to whittle it down to one: the blondie mix. when i got home i whipped up a batch complete with chopped pecans and flaked coconut. and wow. just wow. it was awesome. a little sweeter than i'm used to these days but the flavor and "crumb" were excellent. luckily i was able to stop after three. the rest will go into the freezer for a rainy day.

week one recap

so how did i do this week? considering the fact that i was sick for a lot of it, i think i did pretty well.

exercise

- stretch every morning -- check
- gym 3x/week -- nope, working out and sick don't mix
- take the stairs -- check
- walk (yes, mall-walking counts) -- yep

diet
- eat breakfast every morning (sitting down) -- all but once and i at it as soon as i got to work
- take vitamins -- check
- eat 5-6 small meals a day; include protein in each -- i definitely averaged five, so yep
- weekly food challenge: cook selected food three new ways -- definitely, see update below

emotional balance
- sleep 7+ hours/night (or at least in bed by 11) -- this one was tough, but i did manage 3 nights out of seven, a big improvement for me
- create and implement daily routines -- done and adhered to every day but one
- write morning pages -- check
- meditate -- every day but one
- begin mindfulness work --

environment
- 15 minute pick-up every day -- all but one
- weekly declutter challenge: kitchen -- i cleaned out the fridge and freezer, reorganized a couple of cabinets and cleared the counters to make room for my kitchenaid mixer; unfortunately i didn't  get to everything i wanted to do (including the top of the fridge) but now that i'm on the mend i will try and make it up this week


and as for the food challenge, here are the results:

spinach pizza

okay, i'll admit it, this was a lazy decision. it was late, it had been a long day at work and i just wanted something yummy with a healthy twist. i used the pizza crust recipe from The Wheat-Free Cook: Gluten-Free Recipes for Everyone, then topped with spaghetti sauce, italian seasoning, mozzerella and frozen spinach with a dusting of garlic salt. yum!

crustless spinach quiche

yes, i picked this one because it didn't require a crust. i also made a few adjustments. i only used half an onion instead of a whole one (which was still a lot) and substituted the 3 cups of muenster cheese for 1.5 cups of feta and 1.5 cups of cheddar. unfortunately i forgot to adjust down (aka omit) the salt to make up for the saltiness for the feta, but i still loved in, and best of all i have three pieces left for breakfasts. i think this is going to become a great staple for me and i can switch it up with different veggies, different cheeses and other fun things like herbs and spices. very excited.

creamed spinach

for this recipe i doubled the medium white sauce recipe on the back of the kingsford cornstarch box with the following variations:

1. sauteed onion in melted butter
2. added cornstarch
3. used half-and-half instead of milk
4. used 1.5 10 ounce boxes of frozen spinach

i thought it turned out a little on the oniony side and yet somehow kind of bland, but the rest of the family loved it.

but more importantly, did i learn anything? yes. taking the time to do some prep work each night and sticking to the routines that help me feel better every morning and remembering to make time for things like reading and gardening that feed my soul is just as important as how often i exercise and what i eat. but really, when it comes down to it, the most important thing is sleep. so i'll keep working on that.

comfort food

When it comes to food, I'm a simple girl. I like bread. I like cheese. I like just about any combination of the two -- especially the mac & cheese variety. And I liked it that way. That is until the whole gluten allergy thing. Lucky for me, yesterday a friend came to my rescue with a sweet little book called the wheat-free cook.

Now, I have to be honest, I am a novice in the kitchen, so I am easily intimidated by creating food from scratch. Not so with this book. Each recipe has a reasonable number of everyday ingredients and clear, easy to follow steps to help you transform a pinch of this and a cup of that into a dish tasty enough to please even the staunchest gluten-lover. I tried the featured cover dish: Corn Macaroni & Cheese, which I managed to pull together for today's lunch in under an hour. And it tasted just like mac & cheese.

Having already pleased my well-honed mac & cheese-loving palate, I can hardly wait to try the next recipe... perhaps Quick Flaxseed and Chickpea Baguette, Goat Cheese Pizza, Spinach and Zucchini Frittata or Almond-Plum Rice Flour Coffee Cake. With nearly 200 pages of recipes, I'll have plenty chose from.