further adrift

first school, now houses and jobs. the balls that i got rolling over the last few months have come to a screeching halt. this morning i woke up and wrote a long list of all of the actions i can take to try and force this forward but later, after 30 minutes on the acupuncture table i decided to scrap that list of external action items and instead focus on internal refocusing. to that end, rather than pushing forward on projects, i resolve to do the following over the next seven days:

- read (one book at a time) instead of watching streamed TV
- shop at at least one farmers market per week
- plant something (or better yet, transplant something
- go outside
- reinvigorate my daily meditation and stretching practices

sometimes when you chase something it runs, but if you sit quietly it may come lay its head on your lap or let you feed it an apple from your lunch box.

one more quick note on homes

this morning i found out that the second offer on the house was for more than i can afford, so this is not my house after all. i'm a little disappointed but not as much as i expected. i believe there are two reasons for this:

1. reorganizing my current living space has made it much more livable
2. as i wrote about yesterday, home is not a building, it's a feeling, and i am learning to disassociate that feeling from "place" and instead carry it inside of me

this does not mean i will stop looking. i do believe my house is still out there and we will find each other. i am in no real hurry, and i need to trust the universe.

so there we are -- closure for the two weeks focused on home as sanctuary. time to move on to the next topic and let the universe work its magic in the background.

floods wash the world clean

as i probably mentioned i had hoped to spend the long memorial day weekend getting my literal house in order -- cleaning, sorting, reorganizing, etc. unfortunately, due to the great water-heater flood, not only did i not get anything done (i spent the entire weekend staying with my parents), i actually lost major ground. items from the flood zone now rest willy-nilly throughout the drier areas of my apartment. and while furniture is mostly back in the right rooms, it still stands well clear of walls that need restorative patching and painting.

this has left me feeling extremely demoralized. as in week one where i got sick as soon as i turned my attention to health, having my home dismantled felt like a huge blow to my desired progress. but for some reason, today that feeling changed. i suddenly saw it as an opportunity, not just to make the current layout work, but to completely rethink how i use my space. should the dining room remain an office? maybe. or maybe it should become a craft room. or maybe even a dining room. the possibilities are endless. okay, maybe not endless, but you see where i'm going here.

meanwhile the house hunt continues. i've found a place i really like but am waffling. partly because it stretches my price (a lot) and partly because i fear commitment to another home -- the work, the cost, the permanence. which is silly, because the permanence is actually what i am longing for. at any rate, the plan is to see it one more time and make a decision. i don't want to lose another house because i waited too long.

bringing dreams to life

according to sonia choquette's book your heart's desire there are two key components to bringing your dreams to life: attention and intention. according to dictionary.com:

• attention is directing your mind to a specific object or goal (focusing your thoughts on your dream)
• intention is the act of determining mentally upon some action or result (basically deciding what the outcome will be and accepting it on faith that it will come to pass)

of course before you can do that you need to figure out what that dream is. here are a few basics, extrapolated from the book, to start you in the right direction:

• pick something that really matters to you: throw out the shoulds and the can'ts. look deep and really feel what would bring joy and satisfaction into your life. sure, i'd feel really good about myself if i could save the world but if i'm honest, maybe what i really want is to run a small bookstore or write poetry. that's okay. in fact, it's better than okay. and you never can tell what far-reaching impact these "small" dreams can have.
• start simple: it's easy to future-trip and spin elaborate fantasies, but you'll never get even close if you don't start with the here and now. dream of becoming a famous artist? start by finding more time in your life to practice your art. want to have more quality time with your family but are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed with chores? maybe a cleaning service is just what you need. both may seem mundane, but they are achievable first steps that will help put you on your path.
• be specific, but not too specific: specific would be "i want to get married to a loving man and start a family." too specific would be "i want my current boyfriend to propose on valentines day, marry me on new year's eve and to have three kids named jonah, kaitlin and frankie, each two years apart." don't limit the gifts the universe can give you or you'll miss out on getting more than you ever dreamed of (often in exchange for something that turns out to be something you didn't really want).
• use your powers for good: whatever your path, this whole thing works best when you focus on spiritual and emotional not material gains and definitely steer clear of wishing for bad things to happen to other people. 

yes, it's easier said than done. way easier. then again, there are lots of tools to help you figure these things out. like this book, which has already helped a lot and i'm only at chapter one.

looking back to look forward

i have read more than one book that pegs the ages of 9-11 as those years when you are most fully yourself -- old enough to have formed your personality but young enough that you haven't been beaten down by  and cultural and familial expectations. many of these books say that when looking to create a more fulfilling future, the best place to search for ideas is in your past. start with some of these questions:

- what was your favorite subject in school? (english and history, though i pretty much loved all school)
- what were your interests / what did you do in your free time? (gymnastics, climbing trees, catching pollywogs, read books, sewing, drawing -- especially designs of houses, creating terrariums, decorating my dollhouse, making furniture for my dollhouse out of tin cans and sponges, indoor gardening)
- what were your favorite games? (made-up imagination games like trapped on a dessert island)
- what did you collect? (books, especially fantasy, plants, tropical fish, teddy bears, especially smokey)
- what were your favorite tv shows, movies or books? (chronicles of prydain, the hobbit, chronicles of narnia,  little house, and of course my favorite book, the little prince)
- what did you want to be when you grew up? (teacher, writer, artist, mom)
- why?

for me, remembering wasn't that hard. i have a record of many other of these things and remember a lot. each of us kids had one of those school record books where we kept our report cards, class photos and filled in our best friends, favorite teachers and yes, what we wanted to be when we grew up. and i still see and speak to my family and friends from back then which makes it easy to supplement my memories.

but looking at my answers, i  feel like what they say is true. the things i long to bring back into my life are those things that i loved most then: nature, creativity, imagination, words, books, and learning. and i can't help but think that bringing some of those things back into my life might help me feel more grounded and in touch with my true self.

week two recap

 so week two is over and it's time to move on to week three, but before we go, let's take a look back at how well i did...

family
this week i spent quality time with my mom. it was so nice to have an afternoon all to ourselves, just the two of us hanging out. i also was conscious to thank her for the time and to thank both of my parents for helping me out with an errand over the weekend. i am also pitching in for a big event scheduled for next monday -- my grandmother's 100th birthday party. it will have a luau theme for which i provided a ton of decorations (because who doesn't have two bins worth of inflatable palm trees, plastic leis and grass table skirts in their storage area?). i am also paying for luau food from L&L BBQ.

this party will give me the opportunity to fulfill all of my resolutions for the month -- seeing grandma and spending time with the kids and my brother. even my uncle will be there. i'm not sure forgiveness will rain down from the heavens, but at least i can test my ability to be cordial and see if i can use some of the things i learned from this past week in other areas to help reduce the stress of this strained relationship.

friends
i emailed and set up tentative plans with 3 of my 6 key people. i also had my mom take a quick first pass through the storage area looking for the box that has christine's last known address while she was in there digging for the decorations. no luck. i will need to plan an excavation.

for some reason, i find myself resistant to contact the three remaining friends. i'm not sure why. i keep coming up with excuses like they are too busy and i don't want to bug them, i don't know their schedules or whether we'll be able to find a good time to get together, maybe i'll be too busy, i don't know what we'll do together... not a valid excuse in the bunch. as i was typing this i just realized that these three have something in common that the others don't. the three i have plans to see are people i have known since childhood, who i know love me back and therefore there is no risk involved. the three i haven't contacted are newer friends who i really want to spend more time with but who i haven't developed strong relationships with yet. i'm guessing the fear of rejection is tempering my will here. i may just need to take it a little slower, work up to the invitation and maybe approach them one at a time, not as part of a batch.

one really great thing that came out of this, one night i was thinking about one of my old friends. i planned to go home and send her an email but instead, i just called her. sometimes i forget that hearing someone's voice is completely different than keystrokes in email and it is definitely worth the effort.

partner
it's amazing how sometimes just a little shift -- in perception, approach, and intention -- can make a world of difference. the good progress i posted about earlier in the week has definitely continued and i hope to keep it rolling.

self
this really was the most challenging, revealing and probably rewarding part of the puzzle. i had no idea how often i do to myself just what i don't like to have done by others: dismissing my own needs, denigrating my own dreams, trying to make up for ongoing neglect with big gestures that just don't fill the real need. having to pay attention to how i treat myself, especially in the context of how i wanted to treat others was an eye-opener. my on-going goal will be figuring out how to keep my eyes open.

declutter challenge: bedroom
this was actually a bit of a bust in some ways. i did get and keep the room itself clean, but i had hoped to do a good purge of the storage drawers and the random items that lurk under the dressers that just didn't happen. this is pretty much the same thing that happened last week with the kitchen. i think i need to rethink my approach. i have been waiting until i have a big chunk of time to tackle the whole thing instead of trying to do a little here and a little there all week long. small steps add up. i will keep that in mind for this week.

food challenge: tofu

on the tofu challenge i wound up 2 for three. you already saw my great success with tofu scramble and you're about to see how easy it is to swap tofu for beef in a simple taco recipe. unfortunately, i didn't get to the tofu smoothie. i made the mistake of saving it for last and alas, had my best intentions thwarted by a mild bout with food poisoning. i do intend, however, to make it up this week -- probably tuesday after the gym.

i love food that you get to put together at the table and tacos were one of my favorite family dinners growing up. thing is, even though i do eat red meat again, after twenty years as a vegetarian, i just can't do it all the time. lucky for me, replacing the beef with tofu was easier than i ever imagined. just rinse, pat dry and crumble it into the pan, then follow the instructions on the seasoning packet just like you were cooking with meat (brown, stir, serve). it tasted just as good and was way less greasy. the whole experience leaves my eager to try this substitution in other meat-based dishes, including lasagna and chili, now that i know how easy it is.

so long week two. hello week three!

day of pampering / date with myself

so i know i said yesterday that it wasn't about the pampering of the taking myself on a date, but today i felt like doing both anyway. i had a few hours to kill between appointments so i headed over to the elizabeth gamble garden, a stunning spot (especially at this time of year) hidden in palo alto, just off embarcadero road.

there are few things i love more than spending time in a new garden (especially with my camera), and this one was all i hoped. wisteria in full bloom draped from trellises. purple and white lilacs bloomed, their scent hanging in the air.

there were irises and tulips and poet's daffodils and even a special treat that felt like it was just for me -- my favorite flower, lily of the valley, which is nearly impossible to grow here without the frost. i almost missed the tiny gems.

scattered throughout the garden were elderly couples walking hand in hand, artists capturing colors on canvas, children running along concrete and flagstone paths. in the community portion of the garden, women worked beds of vegetables. cabbage looked ready for harvest.  just 60 minutes felt like a weekend away.

after the visit i stopped at whole foods to pick up some soap and found something i just couldn't resist: gluten-free baking mixes that didn't contain potato. i swear i put five different kinds in my basket but managed to whittle it down to one: the blondie mix. when i got home i whipped up a batch complete with chopped pecans and flaked coconut. and wow. just wow. it was awesome. a little sweeter than i'm used to these days but the flavor and "crumb" were excellent. luckily i was able to stop after three. the rest will go into the freezer for a rainy day.

dancing with myself

i have been thinking a lot about this whole "stronger relationship with myself" thing and i feel like i didn't totally nail the resolutions. you see, this was a topic suggested to me by someone else so i have been having a hard time getting my head around it. but looking back on yesterday's post about my relationship with my partner, this morning i had an epiphany. building a stronger relationship with myself (which i now realize is pretty much the point of this blog) requires basically the same things any relationship needs, they're just directed inward.

a day of pampering is all well and good, but it doesn't really build the relationship. it just makes me feel better in the short term. and writing about it all means nothing without concrete actions. what really counts are pretty much the same things i listed in my partner resolutions:

- be nicer to / gentler with myself
- make the extra effort to take care of myself
- make time for the things that matter to me
- be more available for my own needs (not just those of others)

 yeah, i may still hit the spa for a few hours or take myself out to dinner as a show of good faith, but it's really the little things that make the difference, both with others and for myself.

week two: stronger relationships

welcome to week two. this week's plan -- to find ways to strengthen the most important relationships in my life. for me, when things get busy, relationships always seem to take a back seat to work. partly because they don't have deadlines, partly because the consequences of missing work deliverables have the potential for dire financial consequences, and partly because the people who love you understand. the thing is, without a good support system, managing the stresses that come up in life is that much harder. in fact, for me, strong relationships are second only to good health when it comes to leading a happy, healthy, balanced life (hence its position in my list). to that end, here's this week's plan.

family
the good news is, most of my family is nearby and we are all pretty close. but that doesn't mean there aren't things i can do to make our relationships even stronger. the first one should be easy, but it's always the easiest thing to forget.
- be more appreciative of everything they do for and mean to me
- schedule time to see my grandma at least once per month (she turns 100 this month, so must make time)
- spend more time with my nephews and niece when she is in town (they grow up too fast)
- communicate with my brother more (he only lives two states up, but i rarely talk to him because it makes me miss him more)
- (and this will be the hardest of all) find a way to forgive my uncle (honestly, i don't even know what for, but even though just thinking about this stresses me out, i'm tired of carrying it around)

friends
i actually have a good number of friends but i rarely talk to any of them (except one) and see them even less, and while i would like to see more of all of my friends in general, there are probably five or six that i really miss, and keeping up with them on facebook, livejournal and their blogs, just isn't enough. i also have one lost friend who i would really like to reconnect with.
- reach out to the five or six
- make time to see them (already have a day scheduled with one)
- try and track down christine (so far no luck online, but may have more info buried in my storage space which would be a longer-term project)

partner
- assume the best intentions
- be nicer / make the extra effort
- talk more about the things that matter
- be more available

self
- schedule a day (or at least a few hours) of self-pampering this week
- regularly schedule dates with myself (that involve doing fun things, not vegging in front of the TV)
- stop with the pressure
- journal about this topic in morning pages

declutter challenge: the bedroom, of course
food challenge: tofu (no good reason, just sounds yummy)

interestingly, in the last couple of weeks since i started thinking about this project, i've already started to work on several of these things and others have just happened randomly, like an impromptu chat session initiated by my favorite uncle in new york. but the big goal is for all of this to become second nature. it probably won't happen in a week, but at least i can get the ball rolling.

related reading:
the highly sensitive person in love
getting to commitment
be the person you want to find

new year's resolution

i've always preferred birthdays for the whole taking stock of your life and yearly accomplishments thing, but i can't help but get caught up in the annual enthusiasm for resolutions and their promise of a clean slate. i've been known to write pages categorizing everything i hope to accomplish in the new year. needless to say, i rarely complete even a fraction of what's on those lists.

this year i'm going to try something different. i am going to make just one resolution: to take better care of myself in 2010. and yes, there are about a million different ways this can manifest (starting with eating better, sleeping better, exercising more...) but i am not going to go there. because i really believe that one of the best ways for me to take better care of myself is to stop putting so much pressure on myself to achieve.

happy new year everyone.

more questions answered

so, you probably remember all those questions i'm supposed to answer about my current and future wardrobe dreams. and i'll bet you noticed how i did a pretty good job of answering the first few before letting them trail off into the night like the trail of a trans-pacific flight. the dream of which is exactly what brings me to question number six on my long list:

how many fashion personalities/wardrobes do you need to have (work, casual, evening, etc.)? (i promise the segue will make sense in the end...)

my life is pretty simple. i work. i garden. i hang out. if i really stretch it i can add going out and working out. really stretch.

here's the break-down:

work: i work in a corporate office for the web division of a major corporation. that means i don't have to wear suits, but i shouldn't dress like a slob either. jeans are okay. t-shirts are okay. but i probably need to do less wearing them together. especially with beat-up adidas. and while lots of folks here take a pretty tame approach to wardrobe (slacks and button-downs), there is room for at least some range of personality and style. until recently i had not been taking advantage of this range. i need to. not only does it elevate my visibility (you always remember the girl with the fabulous outfit), i've found it actually makes me happier and more productive in my job by removing the resentment and misery of having to pretend to be someone i'm not. don't want to be a corporate drone? don't dress like one.

gardening: right now my gardening-wear consists of whatever expendable but maximally durable thing i can find in my closet. preferably with long legs and sleeves since the sun is not my friend. this means i pretty much look like a homeless person. i used to have an awesome selection of overalls and cute long-sleeved tees, but, well, do i have to say it again? yeah, they don't fit right now. the one essential in my arsenal: my pink cowboy hat. it keeps the sun off my head and neck and is a definite signature piece. as for the rest, i've been eying slogan shirts with sayings like "garden for victory" and "grow your own food." just need to place the orders.

going out: i'm not a four-star restaurant kind of girl, and i'm probably never going to need a swanky cocktail dress, but i do head up to the city for dinner and a little club action every so often and it would be nice to have something kind of hipster to wear. i mean, i'm not a 19 year old punk-rocker anymore, but if you're going to go out and have fun, you should look the part. bonus points here for something with a little edge to wake my inner party-girl.

hanging out: for me, hanging out is halfway between going out and lounging around (covered later). i'm leaving the house, but not to do anything that requires getting major beautification. maybe i'm meeting friends for a matinee or maybe i'm heading to the mall. the purpose doesn't really matter, what matters is that when i feel better about myself and how i look the whole experience is more enjoyable. that means comfortable, fun, clothes that reflect my personality.

working out: okay, this one is a little bit of wishful thinking since I don’t actually work out. at least not yet. but if you don’t have at least one workout outfit, it makes it tougher to actually make the leap to doing it.

lounging around: yes, i have become one of those people who change directly into sweats when i get home from work. which is fine. as long as you are home alone with your pizza and reality TV. but these days, i'm usually not, and the frumpiness of my lounge-wear is starting to depress my boyfriend. and honestly, even without him in the room muttering about the thrill being gone, looking that bad does not make me feel good. there's a big difference between relaxing and wallowing and let's face it, cute and comfortable don't have to be mutually exclusive.

of course i've left out the most important one, or at least the most urgent at the moment: vacation-wear! a tropical vacation is on the horizon and, surprise!, i have nothing to wear. but that, my friends, demands a post of its own.

building brand

one of the cool things about the company i work for is that every so often they bring in special guest speakers to help inspire us in our work. yesterday was one of those days.

the speaker in question was a former CEO of our very own company. his resume is also populated with an impressive array of major corporations and start-ups. the topic: managing your career.

the talk he gave really was inspirational, but the part that stood out most for me was the section on building your personal brand. now, having spent most of my career in marketing and advertising (web-focused, but still) i get the value of a brand. more importantly, i get the value of packaging. and after all, what is fashion but your own personal packaging?

sure, finding just the right packaging can be tough. but that isn't really the crux of the issue. because the best packaging in the world won't make a bit of difference if you don't start by defining your brand. when it comes to a personal brand this means asking yourself some tough questions like:

• who am i?
• what are my talents and my passions?
• who do i want to be?
• what about myself am i trying to portray?
• does it need to be different in different situations?

now for me, i've always had a pretty strong sense of self. unfortunately i haven't been able to translate that into words. the answer to "who am i?" always winds up sounding either flippant or weirdly esoteric and obtuse like a zen koan. i think the answer is to come up with key adjectives instead of complete thoughts. passionate. sensitive (not always in a positive way). shy. independent... you get the picture (or at least part of it).

so looks like i have more questions to answer. the second one, i will answer though with a quick anecdote:

some friends and i were discussing the lottery. when one friend asked me what i would do if i won, i didn't even have to think: read, write and garden (not necessarily in that order, but probably in generally equal weights). sure, there are other things, and variations on those things, but put most simply, those are it. read. write. garden. couldn't be any clearer than that.

questions: my current look

1. what adjectives best describe your current look?
2. what do you like about your current look?
3. what do you dislike about it?

truth is, i really don’t feel like i have a current look. outfits are cobbled together from random items based primarily on what i happen to be able to squeeze into at the time. usually this results in me looking like a twelve-year old skater boy. probably not the best way to instill confidence in and command respect from my employees and coworkers and certainly not from upper management. outside of work, I almost always feel frumpy, drab and distinctly un-fabulous. which gives me a nice, clean segue into what I dislike about my current look:

• doesn’t reflect my interests, passions or personality (sometimes not even my own tastes)
• no continuity from day to do, no cohesive visual message that let’s people know who i am
• not always (or even usually) flattering
• not always (or even usually) well-matched
• no pizzazz (except occasionally when it probably has too much pizazz)
• takes forever to get ready because i can’t figure out what to wear (took three separate outfits for me to get out the door this morning)

but what do i like about my current look? the simple answer is not much. but there are certain outfits, certain individual pieces and certain components that i do like:

things i like...

• big scarves: e wear one almost every day, partly because e’m always cold and partly because san francisco weather is fickle and demands both preparedness and flexibility (it’s a hat, it’s a brooch, it’s a pterodactyl—I mean it’s a scarf, it’s a hat, it’s a warm blanket…)
• chunky-heeled shoes: there’s nothing better than added height without the added danger brought on by a clumsy girl trying to wear skinny heels
• boots: ideally knee-height, they’re perfect with skirts, cropped pants and even rolled-up jeans, plus they’re warm
• ethnic prints: tropical, asian, batik… i’m even a sucker for scottish tartan (especially when the tartan in question is weathered mclean dress)
• wide-legged pants: even better, flares… even better, striped flares… okay, no, wait… that may be part of what got me in this mess
• fitted (but not too-fitted) tops: showing off curves is good, looking like a sausage, not so much
• chunky, single pendant necklaces: especially big, “alive” stones (moonstone, labradorite, opal) framed in silver

my favorites...

• outfit: long elephant bell jeans worn with a black and burgundy mandarin-style brocade top, platform ankle boots and a big black scarf (incidentally, those jeans are also my favorite pants)
• skirt: orange, green and black batik wrap skirt embellished with stylized images of taro leaves
• tee: mission playground’s “a little for all”
• scarf: a black and white batik pareo my mom bought for me in Hawaii
• necklace: the labradorite pendant i bought in cambria, ca
  
• shoes: vegas boots, baby! a pair of knee-high, stacked heel, black leather, italian lovelies that i paid an ungodly amount of money for in a boutique at the venetian in 1998 and which still look completely fabulous despite constant wear, proving once again that, at least when it comes to shoes, you get what you pay for

which leads us to another important question: how do I use these individual pieces as the basis for an actual style? but that is a question for another day.

questions

in order to help me along my way to fashion fabulousness, my stylist friend asked me to answer a few questions:

1. what adjectives best describe your current look?
2. what do you like about your current look?
3. what do you dislike about it?
4. what are your short and long-term fashion goals?
5. how would you describe the look you want to achieve?
6. how many fashion personalities/wardrobes do you need to have (work, casual, evening, etc.)?
7. who are your fashion role-models (celebrities, friends, colleagues, etc.)?
8. do you have any hard and fast fashion rules (no bare midriffs, only natural fibers, etc.)?

now some of these are total no-brainers but others… they’re going to take some thought. i’ll answer one now, and the rest over the next several posts.

do you have any hard and fast fashion rules?

definitely.

• no angora, i break out in a rash just looking at it
• nothing itchy or scratchy
• nothing that requires dry cleaning
• natural fabrics
• low-waisted styles only
• comfort is key
• a little stretch is a beautiful thing

i also have a very strong preference for closed-toe shoes. my feet are always freezing so i’m all about socks.

why fashion matters

i'm not sure how it happened, but one day i looked in the mirror and i realized i didn't like what i saw. it's not just the getting older, the getting heavier. those are just symptoms. it's two things really. the first was the realization that when i look in the mirror, i don't see me. the second is that i couldn't help but wonder how i let it get this way.

i have always had a very strong sense of who i am. and that strong sense of who i am has always been as clearly reflected on the outside as i feel it on the inside. but recently i have allowed myself and my life to become fractured. my identity has become compartmentalized into different roles, none of which truely reflects a complete me. there is the corporate manager. the novelist and poet. the gardener. the would-be activist. the artist. the girlfriend. the daughter. the aunt. the patient whose body sometimes struggles to find the energy it needs to get through the day. but even the truest and most valued piece all alone is only a fraction of the whole puzzle that is me.

when i dress for work, i have been dressing for the corporate environment. not to bring myself into the job, but to fit into a role. by dressing this way, i deny myself. i hide who i really am. this is not only in-authentic, it diminishes both me and my job.

when i dress to work in the garden in grubby, ill-fitting clothes, sure, i am considering the messy task at hand, but i am also de-valuing both myself and a job that i find extrememly fulfilling and deeply spiritual. i am not treating myself or the task with the reverence we both deserve.

for me, fashion is not about status. it's not about looking cute. it's not about fitting in. it's about creating an authentic external representation of the person that i am on the inside. it's about expressing who i am. and it's about treating myself and my body with the respect i deserve.

a necklace isn't just a pretty stone. it's a way to honor my own inner and outer beauty. a well-fitted sweater doesn't just look neat and put together, it shows i'm proud of who i am and the shape i take.

and that's what makes it so important for me to get up every morning and put on beautiful/fun/creative/exciting, well-made clothes that fit just right. not only does it make me feel more at home in my body and more connected to all the pieces of who i am, it reminds me to bring the whole package to everything i do. and if you don't do that, then what's the point of doing it at all?

where it starts

i have lost my sense of style.

i'm not sure how it happened. perhaps it was the career transition from funky start-up to conservative mega-corp. perhaps it was the doctor-mandated 15 pound weight gain that turned into 20... 22... 23... and keeps climbing. perhaps it was just the getting older, tireder, lazier. but the reason doesn't really matter. what matters is, it's time to get it back.

to that end, i have enlisted the help of a life/fashion-stylist friend who swears she can get my fashion sense and wardrobe right back on track. of course, i'm going to have to take care of those extra 10 pounds myself.

my style make-over (or is it a re-make?) starts today. stay tuned to see where it goes.