style notes from the ether

the internet is a veritable smorgasbord of style and brand insights today.

mother earth news has a fun discussion of whether letting hair grow naturally long is a viable answer to the age old question "cut it myself or spend bank on a salon?" (i, for one, have adopted a middle ground, choosing to keep my high-priced salon but only getting it done two or three times a year; i also stick with my natural color which saves money, time and exposure to seriously toxic chemicals.)

and then there was this interesting piece in the daily flylady newsletter about style from regular contributor missus smarty pants talking about wardrobe choices and style. i especially love her intro where she compared dressing well to eating a well-balanced diet: if you don't have the right basics in your pantry, you can't cook a healthy meal. read about it or listen onine.

while i was surfing her site, i also found a nice little article on the whys and hows of closet purging. definitely a good place to start. i'm hoping to do some of that soon myself. my closet is so packed with clothes ranging in size from zero to nine that i can hardly get dressed in the morning.

and while we're on the subject, i want to get back to flylady for just a moment. personal style is about more than just how you look. your style gets reflected in your choice of car, your interior decor, and so much more. and while i absolutely love the way my apartment is decorated, i don't so much love what the piles of papers and laundry say about me. if you're the same way, give flylady a fly-by. i have to say, it really works.

week eleven: personal style

okay, i've been wallowing around in weighty topics for a while now. i think it's time to lighten things up. but maybe just a little. because let's face it, as fun as personal style can be, how you look, dress, act and communicate has a huge impact on how other people see you. and sure, it's easy enough to say "i don't care what other people think," but when it comes right down to it, these other people can make your life either a lot easier or a lot harder. but beyond that, i have always believed that it's really important to somehow express what's on the inside on the outside. it's one thing to be judged for who you are, and another thing entirely to be judged for who they mistakenly believe you to be. sure, you can't control other people's perceptions, but you can take a firmer hand in what you're projecting. and what's the first step to that? to find out what it is.

so, for the next two weeks i plan to...
- assess the current state of my style: wardrobe, appearance, written communication, verbal communication, non-verbal communication, actions, work styles
- figure out what impressions these styles give others (when in doubt, ask)
- fix it

but first, (or at least in tandem) it's important to decide how you want to be perceived. that way you have something to measure against.

as robin fisher roffer put it in her book make a name for yourself, "if you don't brand yourself, someone else will." which is fine if you like what they see. if not, it's time to make some changes. and while you're at it, it doesn't hurt to simplify your life a little...

smile

last night i went to my first mindfulness-based stress reduction class (scheduled during week one). during the class we did a breathing exercise which the instructor ended by asking us to "invite in a gentle half-smile." now i did not feel like inviting in a gentle half-smile or a smile of any kind. i was grumpy, hungry, tired and uncomfortable from sitting in a cold room on an uncomfortable chair for too long. but i did it anyway. and you know what? it worked. just the simple act of smiling actually made me feel happier. who knew?

so this morning when i woke up on the wrong side of the bed, instead of putting on the all-brown outfit i'd laid out the night before, i decided to embrace the smile lesson and picked out a turquoise plaid tank top, my bright green tennies and my sunflower necklace. i immediately felt better.

and yes, i did hula hoop this morning and man, is that a workout. but fun! made me feel like a kid again.

the joys of wool

it's 48 degrees here this morning (maybe 50 at my desk with the heater one). yes, i get that that's significantly warmer than many (perhaps most) other parts of the country this january, but it still feels cold to me. especially to my toes which are more than a little overly-sensitive to the chill.

fortunately, thanks to a great sale at any mountain last week, i now have 6 new pairs of wigwam wool socks to help keep them warm. today i'm wearing the brown ice socks, which are not only surprisingly soft and not at all itchy, they are super-paddy which is perfect on those days when your feet just hurt for no reason.

i've always avoided wool because of the itch factor and was definitely taking a chance buying 6 pairs at once of a brand i've never tried, but they were worth every penny and then some -- even if i had paid full price.

quick tip

not ready to make the leap to full wool? start with smartwool. their socks use a wool blend that is really nice and they come in a variety of weights suitable for everything from business attire to camping gear. even better, the color and pattern selection is awesome. perfect for anyone who wants to make a surreptitious fashion statement and still stay warm.

changes afoot

there's nothing like two bouts with the flu, a sinus infection, a brutal case of pneumonia and being diagnosed with a gluten allergy to help a girl hit her target weight. and then some.

but it isn't just my pants size that has been impacted. when you've spent your life eating nothing but grilled cheese, pasta and pizza, losing gluten is a life-altering proposition. no longer can i call for pizza when i get home tired from work. or anything else for that matter because gluten is in practically everything these days (soy sauce for example, and certain brands of canned water-packed tuna — who knew?). which means my dieting has changed into a completely new diet. and in fact, a whole new lifestyle. because now, in my fourth decade, i am finally going to have to learn how to cook. and not only learn but do it. every day.

which leads me to the second bit of health news: i have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

over the past 6 months, this chronic pain disorder has forced me to completely remake the way i look at fashion. why? because many of the clothes and accessories i used to wear every day (especially the shoes) now hurt. and not in an amusing "suffering for fashion" kind of way. in a crippling i can't walk kind of way.

but rather than let myself succumb to sweats and shearling boots, i've decide to revise my previous challenge. it's no longer just about reclaiming my sense of style, it's about looking and FEELING great. from the clothes and jewelry i wear to the foods i eat to the way i live my life. so buckle up, and let's get back on the road.

more questions answered

so, you probably remember all those questions i'm supposed to answer about my current and future wardrobe dreams. and i'll bet you noticed how i did a pretty good job of answering the first few before letting them trail off into the night like the trail of a trans-pacific flight. the dream of which is exactly what brings me to question number six on my long list:

how many fashion personalities/wardrobes do you need to have (work, casual, evening, etc.)? (i promise the segue will make sense in the end...)

my life is pretty simple. i work. i garden. i hang out. if i really stretch it i can add going out and working out. really stretch.

here's the break-down:

work: i work in a corporate office for the web division of a major corporation. that means i don't have to wear suits, but i shouldn't dress like a slob either. jeans are okay. t-shirts are okay. but i probably need to do less wearing them together. especially with beat-up adidas. and while lots of folks here take a pretty tame approach to wardrobe (slacks and button-downs), there is room for at least some range of personality and style. until recently i had not been taking advantage of this range. i need to. not only does it elevate my visibility (you always remember the girl with the fabulous outfit), i've found it actually makes me happier and more productive in my job by removing the resentment and misery of having to pretend to be someone i'm not. don't want to be a corporate drone? don't dress like one.

gardening: right now my gardening-wear consists of whatever expendable but maximally durable thing i can find in my closet. preferably with long legs and sleeves since the sun is not my friend. this means i pretty much look like a homeless person. i used to have an awesome selection of overalls and cute long-sleeved tees, but, well, do i have to say it again? yeah, they don't fit right now. the one essential in my arsenal: my pink cowboy hat. it keeps the sun off my head and neck and is a definite signature piece. as for the rest, i've been eying slogan shirts with sayings like "garden for victory" and "grow your own food." just need to place the orders.

going out: i'm not a four-star restaurant kind of girl, and i'm probably never going to need a swanky cocktail dress, but i do head up to the city for dinner and a little club action every so often and it would be nice to have something kind of hipster to wear. i mean, i'm not a 19 year old punk-rocker anymore, but if you're going to go out and have fun, you should look the part. bonus points here for something with a little edge to wake my inner party-girl.

hanging out: for me, hanging out is halfway between going out and lounging around (covered later). i'm leaving the house, but not to do anything that requires getting major beautification. maybe i'm meeting friends for a matinee or maybe i'm heading to the mall. the purpose doesn't really matter, what matters is that when i feel better about myself and how i look the whole experience is more enjoyable. that means comfortable, fun, clothes that reflect my personality.

working out: okay, this one is a little bit of wishful thinking since I don’t actually work out. at least not yet. but if you don’t have at least one workout outfit, it makes it tougher to actually make the leap to doing it.

lounging around: yes, i have become one of those people who change directly into sweats when i get home from work. which is fine. as long as you are home alone with your pizza and reality TV. but these days, i'm usually not, and the frumpiness of my lounge-wear is starting to depress my boyfriend. and honestly, even without him in the room muttering about the thrill being gone, looking that bad does not make me feel good. there's a big difference between relaxing and wallowing and let's face it, cute and comfortable don't have to be mutually exclusive.

of course i've left out the most important one, or at least the most urgent at the moment: vacation-wear! a tropical vacation is on the horizon and, surprise!, i have nothing to wear. but that, my friends, demands a post of its own.

basics

when it comes to fashion, i'm all about the fun and funky pieces. which is great, as long as you have something to wear them with. otherwise, with my affinity for tropicals and plaids, i'd wind up looking something like hawaiian luau meets braveheart in a blender. not pretty.

the solution was simple, of course: t-shirts. i've always had a huge supply in every color. some plastered with images, band names and slogans. some just plain. unfortunately, they are all in the too small bin in my sister's basement.

the truth is, i've been waiting until i lost some of my extra padding before replacing them. i hate shopping for clothes when i don't feel good about my body. then it hit me, there is more than one way to feel better about your body and clothes that look and feel great is at the top of the list. so off i went on a shopping spree, and thanks to ann taylor loft, american apparel and the gap, i am now awash in tees: short sleeved, long sleeved, no sleeved, three-quarter sleeved, even a few tank tops and cardigans thrown in for good measure, in all the colors of the rainbow (plus some that aren't). my favorites: the black peasant top from ann taylor loft and the grey cuffed tee from the gap.

it's amazing how much easier it is to get dressed in the morning.

questions: my current look

1. what adjectives best describe your current look?
2. what do you like about your current look?
3. what do you dislike about it?

truth is, i really don’t feel like i have a current look. outfits are cobbled together from random items based primarily on what i happen to be able to squeeze into at the time. usually this results in me looking like a twelve-year old skater boy. probably not the best way to instill confidence in and command respect from my employees and coworkers and certainly not from upper management. outside of work, I almost always feel frumpy, drab and distinctly un-fabulous. which gives me a nice, clean segue into what I dislike about my current look:

• doesn’t reflect my interests, passions or personality (sometimes not even my own tastes)
• no continuity from day to do, no cohesive visual message that let’s people know who i am
• not always (or even usually) flattering
• not always (or even usually) well-matched
• no pizzazz (except occasionally when it probably has too much pizazz)
• takes forever to get ready because i can’t figure out what to wear (took three separate outfits for me to get out the door this morning)

but what do i like about my current look? the simple answer is not much. but there are certain outfits, certain individual pieces and certain components that i do like:

things i like...

• big scarves: e wear one almost every day, partly because e’m always cold and partly because san francisco weather is fickle and demands both preparedness and flexibility (it’s a hat, it’s a brooch, it’s a pterodactyl—I mean it’s a scarf, it’s a hat, it’s a warm blanket…)
• chunky-heeled shoes: there’s nothing better than added height without the added danger brought on by a clumsy girl trying to wear skinny heels
• boots: ideally knee-height, they’re perfect with skirts, cropped pants and even rolled-up jeans, plus they’re warm
• ethnic prints: tropical, asian, batik… i’m even a sucker for scottish tartan (especially when the tartan in question is weathered mclean dress)
• wide-legged pants: even better, flares… even better, striped flares… okay, no, wait… that may be part of what got me in this mess
• fitted (but not too-fitted) tops: showing off curves is good, looking like a sausage, not so much
• chunky, single pendant necklaces: especially big, “alive” stones (moonstone, labradorite, opal) framed in silver

my favorites...

• outfit: long elephant bell jeans worn with a black and burgundy mandarin-style brocade top, platform ankle boots and a big black scarf (incidentally, those jeans are also my favorite pants)
• skirt: orange, green and black batik wrap skirt embellished with stylized images of taro leaves
• tee: mission playground’s “a little for all”
• scarf: a black and white batik pareo my mom bought for me in Hawaii
• necklace: the labradorite pendant i bought in cambria, ca
  
• shoes: vegas boots, baby! a pair of knee-high, stacked heel, black leather, italian lovelies that i paid an ungodly amount of money for in a boutique at the venetian in 1998 and which still look completely fabulous despite constant wear, proving once again that, at least when it comes to shoes, you get what you pay for

which leads us to another important question: how do I use these individual pieces as the basis for an actual style? but that is a question for another day.

questions

in order to help me along my way to fashion fabulousness, my stylist friend asked me to answer a few questions:

1. what adjectives best describe your current look?
2. what do you like about your current look?
3. what do you dislike about it?
4. what are your short and long-term fashion goals?
5. how would you describe the look you want to achieve?
6. how many fashion personalities/wardrobes do you need to have (work, casual, evening, etc.)?
7. who are your fashion role-models (celebrities, friends, colleagues, etc.)?
8. do you have any hard and fast fashion rules (no bare midriffs, only natural fibers, etc.)?

now some of these are total no-brainers but others… they’re going to take some thought. i’ll answer one now, and the rest over the next several posts.

do you have any hard and fast fashion rules?

definitely.

• no angora, i break out in a rash just looking at it
• nothing itchy or scratchy
• nothing that requires dry cleaning
• natural fabrics
• low-waisted styles only
• comfort is key
• a little stretch is a beautiful thing

i also have a very strong preference for closed-toe shoes. my feet are always freezing so i’m all about socks.

why fashion matters

i'm not sure how it happened, but one day i looked in the mirror and i realized i didn't like what i saw. it's not just the getting older, the getting heavier. those are just symptoms. it's two things really. the first was the realization that when i look in the mirror, i don't see me. the second is that i couldn't help but wonder how i let it get this way.

i have always had a very strong sense of who i am. and that strong sense of who i am has always been as clearly reflected on the outside as i feel it on the inside. but recently i have allowed myself and my life to become fractured. my identity has become compartmentalized into different roles, none of which truely reflects a complete me. there is the corporate manager. the novelist and poet. the gardener. the would-be activist. the artist. the girlfriend. the daughter. the aunt. the patient whose body sometimes struggles to find the energy it needs to get through the day. but even the truest and most valued piece all alone is only a fraction of the whole puzzle that is me.

when i dress for work, i have been dressing for the corporate environment. not to bring myself into the job, but to fit into a role. by dressing this way, i deny myself. i hide who i really am. this is not only in-authentic, it diminishes both me and my job.

when i dress to work in the garden in grubby, ill-fitting clothes, sure, i am considering the messy task at hand, but i am also de-valuing both myself and a job that i find extrememly fulfilling and deeply spiritual. i am not treating myself or the task with the reverence we both deserve.

for me, fashion is not about status. it's not about looking cute. it's not about fitting in. it's about creating an authentic external representation of the person that i am on the inside. it's about expressing who i am. and it's about treating myself and my body with the respect i deserve.

a necklace isn't just a pretty stone. it's a way to honor my own inner and outer beauty. a well-fitted sweater doesn't just look neat and put together, it shows i'm proud of who i am and the shape i take.

and that's what makes it so important for me to get up every morning and put on beautiful/fun/creative/exciting, well-made clothes that fit just right. not only does it make me feel more at home in my body and more connected to all the pieces of who i am, it reminds me to bring the whole package to everything i do. and if you don't do that, then what's the point of doing it at all?

fashion win

so this morning I walk over to chat with my stylist friend and no sooner had I sat down than she made me stand up again and do a slow turn so she could assess the outfit of the day. this was a change from usual when I can see her eyes struggling not to roll. when I sat down again, she smiled a big smile, gave me a double thumbs-up and said “approved!”

clearly I have a lot to learn, because while I thought I did okay with this outfit, I didn’t really think it was any better than others I’ve worn recently (and in some cases liked a lot more). I was however able to discern from her comments just what makes this outfit work:

lines
- oversized belted sweater nips in waistline while camouflaging junk in the trunk
- skinny-leg jeans and high heels make legs look longer and slimmer

color
- hot pink top and scarf compliment skin-tone and draw attention to face
- dark wash jeans make legs look lean

accessories
- scarf ties together all the different colors in the outfit as well as my hair and eye colors, while the metallic gold thread provides a little sparkle
- turquoise cuff bracelet compliments yet another color in the scarf, adds a touch of fun and keeps the dark colors from getting too overwhelming

but what really makes this outfit work for me is that it’s super comfortable. the jeans have stretch, the shoes are tall but well-padded, and I can take off the scarf and/or sweater if the day gets too warm.

i’d like it even more if the jean were slightly more bootcut so i didn’t feel quite so much like a child’s top (skinny point at the bottom, wide load at the top) but that’s just me. according to the feedback I’ve received, the skinny cut actually shows off my legs. just goes to show you, i am not a natural when it comes to figuring out what flatters my figure. but that’s okay. these things can be learned.

the fickleness of fit

when it comes to looking fantastic, fit is king. possibly even one of those golden-age god-emperors. I learned this the other day when I put together what I thought was a pretty passable outfit. which it was. mostly. the problem was, my friend pointed out, the jeans. I love the cut of the jeans so I wear them a lot. but cut and fit are not the same (and that’s not even getting into the whole optical illusion created by the color of the wash, which I’ll get back to later).

the cut was fine. low waist. narrow through the hip and thigh. slight flare. but the fit did me no favors at all. the waist was too big and rode lower even then it should have, which to be honest, was already pretty low, especially for a corporate office. and then there were the thighs…

now, thighs are one of my admitted challenge spots. I like to blame the years of adolescent gymnastics, because even when I was thin as a rail, I had trouble finding pants that had enough breathing room in that area, especially if the waist fit. (this is one of the key reasons I prefer a little stretch in my jeans.)

so long story short, the waist was saggy, the pockets buckled and the thighs were like sausage casings (if sausage casings were made out of a pale blue tourniquet). now the jimmy dean effect is something that I’m going to have to work out with the gym, but the waistband is a whole ‘nother thing.

the suggestion of my fashion-savvy friend was to pop over to a tailor for a little nip/tuck. which if my weight didn’t fluctuate like a yo-yo I might actually consider. but today’s fit, would likely be tomorrow’s ill-fit, so what’s a girl to do?

1. stabilize the weight already. pick a number. go there. stay there. it will definitely take some time, but it’s a good goal to have.

2. always, always, always, buy pants with a little stretch. no matter how good the deal (and these jeans were a shockingly good deal — $2 at my local goodwill) if it doesn’t fit, there’s no way you’ll look fab, so it’s not worth the price.

want wow? choose color!

i've always been a pretty monochromatic dresser. black, black and more black. sometimes with a wild touch of, oh, say, navy. or grey. but only if i'm feeling especially sassy.

well, today, inspired by the unseasonable heat, i decided to pull out all the stops. and when i mean all the stops, i mean ALL the stops. you guessed it: bright yellow.

i have no idea what possessed me to buy a bright yellow batik dress. it was probably being in hawaii. and the fact that it was on sale. at walmart. for $5. head full of sunshine and optimism i just couldn't resist.

today, i needed a little of that sunshine and optimism so i pulled out the dress. and man did it get noticed. mostly what i got was "wow!" wow like that looks fantastic? or wow, that's bright, must... sheild... eyes... i have my suspicions.

at any rate, it made me feel all sunny and perky even worn over dark wash, pegged jeans and under a slumpy black carigan. perhaps my coworker said it best:

"wow. only you could pull-off something like that." and yes, i am 100% sure that there were silent air-quotes around the words "pull-off."

lesson one: think before you dress

okay, so i've been at this self-improvement, re-fabification thing for almost a week now and i have already learned one very important lesson: the number one key to improving how you dress is to actually think about how you dress.

sure, it seems obvious enough, but when you're sprinting out the door with no time to spare, sometimes it takes all you have just to find two matching shoes and a passably wrinkle-free shirt. you may as well forget about trying to coordinate accessories. make that kind of morning a habit and you'll find the crumpled, thrown-together look has become your new signature style. or total lack thereof.

the solution? picture your day's perfect outfit. for me, the best times for this little exercise are the night before while trying to fall asleep or first thing after the alarm goes off between hitting snooze and cursing the dawn. once i know what i want to wear, i can let my mind drift to accessories while i brush my teeth or wash my hair.

i don't recommend you take this advice too far and start mapping out your clothes for the week. i for one am way too fashion-moody to plan more than one day out and too much pre-planning can lead to fashion-anxiety and eventually fashion-exhaustion and you'll wind up worse than you started. but a little extra thought about looking good while standing in the shower never hurt anyone.

try it out.

ramping up and breaking a rule

in order to address the weight portion of the program, my friend and i have decided to start taking daily walks after lunch. we had been doing it before the weather turned, but rain is no longer a plausible excuse (it's 70 degrees and sunny today).

unfortunately, accomplishing today's walk will cause me to break one of my hard and fast fashion rules: never wear white tennis shoes with everyday clothes. given that fact you may wonder why, exactly, i even own white tennis shoes and why i have them tucked inside a file cabinet at work. suffice it to say, it's a long, sad story about last minute tennie buying before a trip to new york. and since i have a really hard time wasting usable shoes i figured i'd bring them in here, "just in case."

today's case is wooden platform clogs -- not viable walking attire. as for whether or not wooden platform clogs constitute a fashion offense of their own, that's a topic for another post.

where it starts

i have lost my sense of style.

i'm not sure how it happened. perhaps it was the career transition from funky start-up to conservative mega-corp. perhaps it was the doctor-mandated 15 pound weight gain that turned into 20... 22... 23... and keeps climbing. perhaps it was just the getting older, tireder, lazier. but the reason doesn't really matter. what matters is, it's time to get it back.

to that end, i have enlisted the help of a life/fashion-stylist friend who swears she can get my fashion sense and wardrobe right back on track. of course, i'm going to have to take care of those extra 10 pounds myself.

my style make-over (or is it a re-make?) starts today. stay tuned to see where it goes.