okay, i know i'm behind on posting this week's plan, but before i do that i really want to give you a quick update on the forgiveness front. you may remember my uncle who i basically haven't spoken to in like 10 years and who during the week of stronger relationships i resolved to find a way to forgive. well, last night he did come to my grandmother's birthday party.
i have to admit, i was pretty stressed out about it. i mean you don't just go from "i never want to see you again" back to buddies in the blink of a 100 year party candle. but i know that carrying around these ill feelings hurts me more than him (and causes stress for the rest of my family), so i was willing to give it a try. maybe i wouldn't forgive him, but at least i could be civil and give him the benefit of the doubt. and you know what? it really helped. i was able to realize that while he may have his issues, he is not intentionally malicious. the things that happened between us were not him trying to hurt me, it was him not having the slightest ability to understand how what he did would make me feel. and realizing that, i was able to completely enjoy myself at the party without having to avoid him or brace myself against him. it was a huge relief.
and who knows, maybe someday i will forgive him, but for now i'm happy just to not have to worry about it anymore.
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
week two recap
so week two is over and it's time to move on to week three, but before we go, let's take a look back at how well i did...
family
this week i spent quality time with my mom. it was so nice to have an afternoon all to ourselves, just the two of us hanging out. i also was conscious to thank her for the time and to thank both of my parents for helping me out with an errand over the weekend. i am also pitching in for a big event scheduled for next monday -- my grandmother's 100th birthday party. it will have a luau theme for which i provided a ton of decorations (because who doesn't have two bins worth of inflatable palm trees, plastic leis and grass table skirts in their storage area?). i am also paying for luau food from L&L BBQ.
this party will give me the opportunity to fulfill all of my resolutions for the month -- seeing grandma and spending time with the kids and my brother. even my uncle will be there. i'm not sure forgiveness will rain down from the heavens, but at least i can test my ability to be cordial and see if i can use some of the things i learned from this past week in other areas to help reduce the stress of this strained relationship.
friends
i emailed and set up tentative plans with 3 of my 6 key people. i also had my mom take a quick first pass through the storage area looking for the box that has christine's last known address while she was in there digging for the decorations. no luck. i will need to plan an excavation.
for some reason, i find myself resistant to contact the three remaining friends. i'm not sure why. i keep coming up with excuses like they are too busy and i don't want to bug them, i don't know their schedules or whether we'll be able to find a good time to get together, maybe i'll be too busy, i don't know what we'll do together... not a valid excuse in the bunch. as i was typing this i just realized that these three have something in common that the others don't. the three i have plans to see are people i have known since childhood, who i know love me back and therefore there is no risk involved. the three i haven't contacted are newer friends who i really want to spend more time with but who i haven't developed strong relationships with yet. i'm guessing the fear of rejection is tempering my will here. i may just need to take it a little slower, work up to the invitation and maybe approach them one at a time, not as part of a batch.
one really great thing that came out of this, one night i was thinking about one of my old friends. i planned to go home and send her an email but instead, i just called her. sometimes i forget that hearing someone's voice is completely different than keystrokes in email and it is definitely worth the effort.
partner
it's amazing how sometimes just a little shift -- in perception, approach, and intention -- can make a world of difference. the good progress i posted about earlier in the week has definitely continued and i hope to keep it rolling.
self
this really was the most challenging, revealing and probably rewarding part of the puzzle. i had no idea how often i do to myself just what i don't like to have done by others: dismissing my own needs, denigrating my own dreams, trying to make up for ongoing neglect with big gestures that just don't fill the real need. having to pay attention to how i treat myself, especially in the context of how i wanted to treat others was an eye-opener. my on-going goal will be figuring out how to keep my eyes open.
declutter challenge: bedroom
this was actually a bit of a bust in some ways. i did get and keep the room itself clean, but i had hoped to do a good purge of the storage drawers and the random items that lurk under the dressers that just didn't happen. this is pretty much the same thing that happened last week with the kitchen. i think i need to rethink my approach. i have been waiting until i have a big chunk of time to tackle the whole thing instead of trying to do a little here and a little there all week long. small steps add up. i will keep that in mind for this week.
food challenge: tofu
on the tofu challenge i wound up 2 for three. you already saw my great success with tofu scramble and you're about to see how easy it is to swap tofu for beef in a simple taco recipe. unfortunately, i didn't get to the tofu smoothie. i made the mistake of saving it for last and alas, had my best intentions thwarted by a mild bout with food poisoning. i do intend, however, to make it up this week -- probably tuesday after the gym.
i love food that you get to put together at the table and tacos were one of my favorite family dinners growing up. thing is, even though i do eat red meat again, after twenty years as a vegetarian, i just can't do it all the time. lucky for me, replacing the beef with tofu was easier than i ever imagined. just rinse, pat dry and crumble it into the pan, then follow the instructions on the seasoning packet just like you were cooking with meat (brown, stir, serve). it tasted just as good and was way less greasy. the whole experience leaves my eager to try this substitution in other meat-based dishes, including lasagna and chili, now that i know how easy it is.
so long week two. hello week three!
family
this week i spent quality time with my mom. it was so nice to have an afternoon all to ourselves, just the two of us hanging out. i also was conscious to thank her for the time and to thank both of my parents for helping me out with an errand over the weekend. i am also pitching in for a big event scheduled for next monday -- my grandmother's 100th birthday party. it will have a luau theme for which i provided a ton of decorations (because who doesn't have two bins worth of inflatable palm trees, plastic leis and grass table skirts in their storage area?). i am also paying for luau food from L&L BBQ.
this party will give me the opportunity to fulfill all of my resolutions for the month -- seeing grandma and spending time with the kids and my brother. even my uncle will be there. i'm not sure forgiveness will rain down from the heavens, but at least i can test my ability to be cordial and see if i can use some of the things i learned from this past week in other areas to help reduce the stress of this strained relationship.
friends
i emailed and set up tentative plans with 3 of my 6 key people. i also had my mom take a quick first pass through the storage area looking for the box that has christine's last known address while she was in there digging for the decorations. no luck. i will need to plan an excavation.
for some reason, i find myself resistant to contact the three remaining friends. i'm not sure why. i keep coming up with excuses like they are too busy and i don't want to bug them, i don't know their schedules or whether we'll be able to find a good time to get together, maybe i'll be too busy, i don't know what we'll do together... not a valid excuse in the bunch. as i was typing this i just realized that these three have something in common that the others don't. the three i have plans to see are people i have known since childhood, who i know love me back and therefore there is no risk involved. the three i haven't contacted are newer friends who i really want to spend more time with but who i haven't developed strong relationships with yet. i'm guessing the fear of rejection is tempering my will here. i may just need to take it a little slower, work up to the invitation and maybe approach them one at a time, not as part of a batch.
one really great thing that came out of this, one night i was thinking about one of my old friends. i planned to go home and send her an email but instead, i just called her. sometimes i forget that hearing someone's voice is completely different than keystrokes in email and it is definitely worth the effort.
partner
it's amazing how sometimes just a little shift -- in perception, approach, and intention -- can make a world of difference. the good progress i posted about earlier in the week has definitely continued and i hope to keep it rolling.
self
this really was the most challenging, revealing and probably rewarding part of the puzzle. i had no idea how often i do to myself just what i don't like to have done by others: dismissing my own needs, denigrating my own dreams, trying to make up for ongoing neglect with big gestures that just don't fill the real need. having to pay attention to how i treat myself, especially in the context of how i wanted to treat others was an eye-opener. my on-going goal will be figuring out how to keep my eyes open.
declutter challenge: bedroom
this was actually a bit of a bust in some ways. i did get and keep the room itself clean, but i had hoped to do a good purge of the storage drawers and the random items that lurk under the dressers that just didn't happen. this is pretty much the same thing that happened last week with the kitchen. i think i need to rethink my approach. i have been waiting until i have a big chunk of time to tackle the whole thing instead of trying to do a little here and a little there all week long. small steps add up. i will keep that in mind for this week.
food challenge: tofu
on the tofu challenge i wound up 2 for three. you already saw my great success with tofu scramble and you're about to see how easy it is to swap tofu for beef in a simple taco recipe. unfortunately, i didn't get to the tofu smoothie. i made the mistake of saving it for last and alas, had my best intentions thwarted by a mild bout with food poisoning. i do intend, however, to make it up this week -- probably tuesday after the gym.
i love food that you get to put together at the table and tacos were one of my favorite family dinners growing up. thing is, even though i do eat red meat again, after twenty years as a vegetarian, i just can't do it all the time. lucky for me, replacing the beef with tofu was easier than i ever imagined. just rinse, pat dry and crumble it into the pan, then follow the instructions on the seasoning packet just like you were cooking with meat (brown, stir, serve). it tasted just as good and was way less greasy. the whole experience leaves my eager to try this substitution in other meat-based dishes, including lasagna and chili, now that i know how easy it is.so long week two. hello week three!
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